Breaking Silence Isn’t Easy

I am unable to write further blogs on Vipassana while the unsent email sits in my ‘Drafts’ folder. Something has been stopping me. I have been making excuses for not sending it. But I have been unable to write another blog in my series.  During my meditation today the inner force has come back to me, guiding me to send the mail to the concerned people but in a proper way.

There has been an active tussle between my MonkeyMind and my SquirrelMind for the past one week. My MonkeyMind says I should just let go and say what I want and send the mail in its original form and not care. My SquirrelMind with is little persistent voice has been stopping me from clicking ‘send’, wanting me to reconsider the content and says that I have to be assertive in the way I word the mail. I cannot afford to hurt anyone as hurting others backfires with hurting myself. And I have really had enough of that.

It is tempting, once one decides to break a fast of ‘silence’, to let go of all the pent up emotions related to that topic and let the listeners / readers have a taste of the venom that has been locked up for so long. But that verbal lashing cannot serve any purpose. It can only bring up anger and resentment in the person concerned. And eventually also make me repent on the words I chose. And that is the most prominent thought that has stopped me from sending the mail that I promised myself I would send while I was in the 10day Vipassana meditation camp. I cannot just put my Monologues into words. That won’t serve any reasonable purpose at all.

I have to reread my thoughts and convert them from aggressive resentment to assertive suggestions and requests. I have to rewrite.

If I send the mail today, in the correct format to the correct concerned people, tomorrow there will be a new blog in the Vipassana Series! If I don’t send, there will be none.



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