My Mind had reached quietness by now and that gave me a LOT of mental free time of uncluttered thinking even in my meditation-free times. There was a certain lightness. A sense of fulfilment. A freedom. I walked around and discovered more areas of trees and Squirrels and Ravens. It felt as if knew them all personally – a feeling of distinct familiarity. I wondered why after ten days of being here, the squirrels still ran away!? That was the property, the nature of the squirrel- the guNadharma! Quick, alert, sharp, shy, subtle!
The tenth day of the stay at Igatpuri – or the ninth day of Vipassana was to be a Continuous Meditation day. The message was to try and be aware, alert and detached throughout the day.
Who else is there with me throughout the day after all?! It is I! And I have to look out for myself. I have to protect myself. I have to be sajag – aware and alert. And of course when I am emotionally excessive, my rationality takes leave. So it is necessary to be detached, objective, taThasta! Sthitapradnya – the state of equanimous knowing. Each moment – हर पल!
Equanimous and aware – constantly! For my own sake.
I had gone through a journey from afraid and doubtful to confident and inspired! All around me were Silent Saints with serene faces. When I walked out of the hall for a stretch or a drink of water, I now saw versions of Buddha sitting in equilibrium, some in the Padmaasan- the lotus postures. Each one seemed to have had their personal journey. No talk. A different silence was now pervading the meditation hall. It felt peacefully different or differently peaceful that everyone was in a similar mental state. The concept of a community namaaz has always fascinated me. A time during the day when everyone from the community is in the same mental state of prayer. What power that process would have!! I had always wondered. Here it felt as if I was a part of a similar force / momentum on some spiritual plane.
And there was an additional excitement! Tomorrow we would talk! Speak! I had heard my own voice in the privacy of my room – especially when I had been feeling upset and distraught, I had sung my songs in a lowered voice! But tomorrow I would hear other voices too! The stolen, casual, accidental smiles would be those of familiarity. Most of the faces were already appearing so familiar that I had begun to feel that I knew them from before this Igatpuri visit!
By now I was also jumping into the future once in a while – becoming eager to get back into the outside world, with fresh plans!!! The list of ideas and plans started taking a hold of my emptied Mind! There would be bouts of impatience with the situation, Super Urges to write everything down, to consolidate thought into written language!!! The future seemed bright and full of promise. My burdens were lesser and my ideas were flourishing inside me!
With quiet mind and peaceful excitement I slept that day, in silent anticipation of tomorrow. Tomorrow I would talk. We all would talk. I would also get my phone! And I would write!!!
Alert, aware, detached, equanimous. Today- the only truth.